It is so fun that we live in a time when you can add and subtract from this special day, and no one cares. Uniqueness is celebrated, so do you want an all-out bash or a quiet retreat? Elegant or casual? Opulent or simple? This day gets to be about you, not about your family, social media, or outdated expectations. Ultimately, you are the ones who will remember this day forever, so make it special to you.

My first advice is to know yourself. Are you organized? Are you easily overwhelmed? Are you an introvert who really doesn’t want to be the center of attention? Be honest with who you are at this time in your life.

My next question is: do you even want a large celebration, or do you feel it is expected? Is this pressure coming from social media, family, and friends? If it’s coming from people who are not near and dear, does it really matter what they think? Why are we giving those people access to your life? This is a tough thread to go down, but it’s healthy to at least ask these questions.

If the pressure is from family and friends, try to solicit their help for this wedding. Kindly, gently, and with specific tasks, ask for help. I understand some relationships are complicated, but if difficult people feel they can dictate your day, gently put up some boundaries and move forward with your head held high.

If you need to plan your wedding all by yourself, without any help, it’s just not realistic (or fair to yourself) to try and pull off a full-scale event. For your peace of mind, your energy, and your ability to actually enjoy the big day, give yourself the permission to keep it “Micro.”

The most significant overall shift in weddings in the last ten years is the micro wedding, whether because of cost, or just the intimacy of a smaller wedding. These are a great natural fit for many, while others feel thrust into it due to financial constraints, difficult relationships, or complicated life events. Regardless of why you choose micro, don’t see it as a “less than” option, as it is far from second best. On the contrary, embrace it with gusto! Go for it with the fun and meaningful nuances you CAN spend time on - like personal connection with your wedding party and guests.

Below are some wise choices for the bride planning a micro wedding on her own. Try to stick to as many of these as possible to stay present on your day:

• Keep your guest list at 50 or fewer. Less crowd = less logistics = more quality time with everyone.

• Look for a venue that handles setup, cleanup, and basic rentals. If you can’t find one, hire someone (even a couple of college students), so you’re not the one moving tables.

• Outsource the food completely. A restaurant, food truck, or a drop-off caterer can take this major task off your plate, literally and figuratively.

• Prep all decorations ahead of time. Avoid anything that needs assembling or setting up the day of. Use items that don’t wilt or break, and assign someone specific to set it up for you. If you want flowers, use single-stem bouquets or pre-made arrangements. Some kind of fake florals are really key.

• Appoint a day-of point person (anyone but you). This could be a professional day-of coordinator, or a friend who has a type-A personality. Give them a timeline, key contacts, and clear expectations, like greeting vendors, cueing music, or fixing issues.

• Skip last-minute extras. If it’s not done by the final two weeks, it’s a no. You’ll be tempted to squeeze in just one more thing. Don’t. Let it go, and focus on being in the moment instead of managing it.

For some of you, even a micro is out of the picture, and you need alternate ideas. Here are a few:

1. Have a unique private ceremony (old courthouse, quaint church, etc.) and then invite those you wish for a party at a local restaurant, maybe ordering a special dessert.

2. Have a small backyard gathering with some hors d’oeuvres you have ordered, a few fresh flowers, and great music.

3. Check with local garden clubs, maybe there is someone willing to let you use their yard (for a fee) for an hour or two. Keep in mind you must keep the number under ten out of respect for them.

4. A destination private event. They don’t have to be big and expensive destinations, but can be a car drive away.

5. Consider incorporating a carriage ride, a pub cycle with friends, or another unique experience.

Remember: this is your special day, and it can look completely different from anyone else’s special day, but …

Whatever you do, make it special!