When planning a DIY wedding, having enough help is a huge factor. I know this seems extreme, but having the right help is more important than the budget. If you have a lot of help, $5,000 goes a long way, but even a $10,000 wedding can be tough without it.

I know it is hard to ask for help. We feel we should be able to do it ourselves, so we endure many things before saying, “Hey, can you help me?” We need to work through this, so here we go - Do any of these thoughts cross your mind when you think about asking someone for help?

“People are too busy.”

“They won’t want to help me.”

“I can do it myself.”

“I don’t want people to know I have a need.”

Well, those things may be true, but you still need help pulling this big day off. And honestly, people generally love helping with a wedding. Deep inside, they feel honored to be an essential part of your day. The challenge is finding at least four people to help significantly.

Key Helpers

From my experience, here are the key helpers you need:

• Day-of Coordinator (most important of all!)

• Someone in charge of food besides (if DIY food) the bride (next important)

• Someone in charge of the wedding location from set up to clean up (if it is not a traditional venue).

• Others to fill in and support those above.

If you have all of those, you have a great team. If you have half of that, it is still pretty good, and your day should run smoothly. If you honestly only have one or two people to help out, please read the blog post “Going It Alone,” as your decisions will need to be different and fine-tuned.

How to ask for help in a healthy way

• Have a straightforward conversation with them, asking how much they can and cannot carry, and reassuring them that if they cannot do it, that’s OK.

• Give a particular task, with clear boundaries to each person, either giving them supplies or the money budgeted.

• Don’t ask a person to do more than one big thing.

• Pick areas that they enjoy. (Don’t ask me to decorate, but I’m more than happy to organize your food or be your DOC)

Now, let’s talk about who you should ask. Here are four sources to draw from: groom, wedding party, family, and close friends.

Groom

I can’t possibly cover all the scenarios of every relationship, and some of you may have a really hands-on groom while others do not. However, there are a few basics that are really important.

How you as a couple work through the wedding planning is a window into how you will work as a married couple. It’s a team effort and will look different within each couple. Maybe he will work extra hours so you have more to spend on the wedding. Maybe he struggles with all the decisions but is more than happy to do whatever you need, or he is a real hands-on guy. You need to feel support from him in some significant way. If you aren’t, this isn’t a wedding planning problem but a relationship one that needs to be addressed quickly!

If he or his family is putting pressure on you to have a large wedding, they need to step up and help significantly. This is an important boundary to have in place before you are married.

Wedding Party

Choose wisely! The traditional role of the bridesmaids is to support and help the bride, all the more so with a DIY wedding. However, there seems to be so much drama with the bridesmaids, and I’m unsure why. Maybe we pick friends based on “fun” rather than those with whom we have a solid relationship, or we feel obligated for some reason. Whatever the reason, be very thoughtful with this decision, as you don’t need her complaining about the dress, not helping, or even backing out of the wedding at the last minute. It's better to have one faithful friend than six stressful girls. 

Everyone in your wedding party should be willing to help with something, from organizing the desserts, planning parties, helping address envelopes, or make decor. Even those living far away can have a task to research things, or help within those last few days.

Family

You know the old saying, “You can’t choose your family,” and for some, you are very blessed, while others have complicated relationships that either require careful balancing or all-out hard lines. Once again, if your family wants a large wedding, they can help in healthy ways, or you don’t have a large wedding. Just the reality!

If your relationships are healthy and you can ask for help from family, do so. Just don’t have close family in charge of anything during the wedding itself (food, etc.). If the relationships are complicated, either don’t ask for their help or ask for help within clearly defined boundaries.

Close Friends

If you can, choose the friends who do not complicate your life but rather bring some peace into your space. This is better than someone really skilled but difficult to handle. When all is said and done, we are part of our community of people, and helping each other along the way is an honor. When people do step up, be very thankful. Gratitude goes such a long way, and if you are grateful throughout the process, they will likely just be happy to help.